Disclaimer: My interpretations of certain character interactions are debatable & some seem to be rather obscure on the internet. So, read at your own peril!
There are many reasons that people claim to dislike Shinji from Neon Genesis Evangelion; whether it be cowardice, whining, being a pushover, not wanting to accept his destiny, etc. NONE OF THESE REASONS ARE WHY I HATE SHINJI (even though I do not like pushovers)—in fact, when I first watched Shin Seiki Evangelion in middle school for the first time & continued to re-watch it into high school, I found Shinji relatable. But in my 20s, after experiencing more of adult life, I began to find Shinji deplorable. Mainly, because of what he does to Asuka & how easily manipulated he is. I now understand why in Misato’s last scene with Shinji in End of Evangelion—her feelings can be interpreted as part eroticism, part disgust.
I created a timeline to make some of my points more easily digestible & coherent, so here we go:
• (first point—Shinji & Asuka have sex) Shinji & Asuka have sex at the end of Episode 15: ‘Lies and Silence,’ after Asuka asks Shinji to kiss her & then writhes with jealousy at seeing Misato & Kaji together. This isn’t a completely fresh theory, I believe there’s a person on YouTube who made a common assertion. The nail in the coffin with this theory is that in the beginning of Episode 16: ‘The sickness unto death, and then...’ where it shows Asuka gushing over Shinji & lathering him with praises, when in the episode before she had done nothing but insult him. This isn’t an uncommon occurrence in Hideaki Anno’s shows, for example, in Nadia: Secret of Blue Water,
The sex scene is exonerated again in Episode 22: Staying Human, in the Director’s Cut, when Asuka is curled in the fetal position, by the swing-set, in the midst of her mental breakdown, there is crying audio in the background, but if you listen carefully there’s audio of Asuka that clearly sounds like sexual moaning. My last addendum to this point is the scene in End of Evangelion when Asuka is on top of Shinji in bed, naked—obviously after/or during intercourse.
• (second point—Asuka is pregnant) After the intercourse, there is an infamous scene with Asuka where she clutches her womb & says, “I don’t want to have a child.” Many interpreted that as Asuka being disgusted with female menstruation, but after my point above, I think it is due to her ACTUALLY being pregnant. This point is reinforced by Asuka protectively clutching her womb, during the fight with the Mass Produced EVA units, & the famous last line in End of Evangelion, “I feel sick (morning sickness).” There has been a squick theory that she got pregnant from the ‘hospital scene (rape)’ in End of Evangelion, but that theory can be jossed, seeing as Shinji & Asuka were already involved in an intimate relationship.
• (third point—Shinji choking Asuka in the TV series caused her to have a miscarriage) It was established that in the beginning of Episode 24: The Last Cometh, in the Director’s Cut, that the choking scene from End of Evangelion actually happened. The scene is the same; Asuka & Shinji are seen wearing the same clothing that they were in the End of Evangelion. While Asuka is seen as manic in the scene where she’s arguing that Kaji isn’t actually dead, she’s still her fiery self but later, when she’s despondent in the bathtub, she has no life left in her eyes. Would someone who usually shows vigor & enthusiasm during that apocalypse break because of a case of domestic violence? One could argue that Shinji was the last person that Asuka relied on, but that isn’t true either, since childhood, Asuka has only relied on herself. Which leads me to believe that the ‘brown’ bathwater in in Episode 24 was not fecal matter, but perhaps, blood from a miscarriage (or both). This also explains why in the End of Evangelion, she is able to fully synchronize with her mother’s soul in EVA 02—not just because she was a mother, too; but because (like her mother’s soul had departed in the experimentation for Unit 02) she had quite literally lost a part of herself. My theory, when she grips her womb, in the last battle with the Mass Produced EVA units, is a sort of ‘phantom limb’ pregnancy; Asuka has already completely lost her mind—it isn’t completely ‘out there’ to believe that she might still think she’s pregnant. Another example, is the hospital masturbation scene, I believe that Shinji masturbated not just out of sexual arousal, but out of guilt & the want to ‘start again’ with her, but holding back at the last minute. He might have wanted to restart from what he had done & try to have a child again. Which may also explain why she’s brought back first after Instrumentality & it is implied that she is bearing a child again.
• (fourth point—Shinji allowed himself to manipulated by Kaworu because he didn’t want to take responsibility for ‘ruining’ Asuka) This is another controversial point, but from an adult perspective, I think it’s quite obvious that Kaworu’s ‘sacrifice’ was not saintly. I believe that he manipulated Shinji (got close to Shinji, knowing what had happened with Asuka, to completely decimate him by putting the blood of another person on his hands) & Rei (before Shinji kills him, Kaworu looks up & smiles to see that Rei is about to watch him be killed—he does this after instilling that they are ‘just alike’ to show her how disposable she is—proof of how this damages her: in Episode 25: The Ending World, she admits that she wouldn’t mind humanity ending because she is constantly used; Kaworu uses the word ‘freedom’ because he knows that true freedom is illusory & he wants to use that to manipulate them into creating a hive-minded ‘utopia’) into beginning Instrumentality (might write an essay purely on Kaworu, at another time). In The End of Evangelion, Shinji refuses to look at the harsh reality (which is Rei) & chooses only to see Kaworu (who represents escapism).
• (fifth point—killing everyone in End of Evangelion because he thinks genocide & collective consciousness is ‘easier’ than having conflicting egos) This point is self-explanatory if you’ve seen the film.
• (sixth point—masturbating on an unconscious woman in a hospital is literally sexual assault) RE: This point is self-explanatory if you’ve seen the film.
Those are my points for why I hate Shinji (& also Kaworu, but that’s a topic for another day). As a woman who has experienced sexual & physical violence, even if Shinji is experiencing anxiety & depression, it doesn’t excuse his behavior; Asuka was going through similar issues & had to work twice as hard to receive validation because Shinji was more talented at piloting the EVA than her. Thank you for reading my essay, I just wanted to vent, since many see Shinji in a favorable light & if you say that you don’t like him, they rebuke the point with, ‘Oh, so you don’t think men can be weak?’ Which is far from the reason that I hate him.
EDIT: I’ve decided to find a name to trademark this theory, so I have aptly called it the ‘Baby in the Bathwater’ theory. I hope that’s not too tactless...