ZettaiBlog 348: I Want To Be Your Canary

WARNING: BECAUSE OF REASONS I MUST TELL EVERYONE UNDER THE AGE OF 18 TO GET OUT OF MY BLOG! OBEY OR I’LL BE DEFENESTRATED! ALSO BE WARY OF WILD ROAMING SPOILERS! YOU’VE BEEN WARNED! Welcome back. Last time we covered some overrated mimicry idol and decided to look for a rich girl that will shelter Umi from enemies. And that’s why we are on this castle. : Indeed. Because rich girls live on castles as everyone knows. This one is a princess though. But a real princess, not a loud princess wannabe. : Topaz already took care of that one. It was messy. But now let’s enter this room! *enters the room* Hello there… : Who? Guards! : You should have asked for a citation first… Woops. But the guards aren’t coming here. Steiner is on a wild goose chase looking for his squad members. : Fine, then I shall summon- Please don’t summon anything, the animation takes forever. : …Really? We’re doing that joke, Zettai? I never said my humor was cutting edge. : Wait, Zettai? Rosa and Terra mentioned that name before! You are the famous blogger! I’m famous now? : Well, given how many girls are out for your blood that makes sense. Fair point. : So why did you come here? Well, first to blog you quite obviously. And also to look for shelter for Umi lest she gets killed. : I would love to help out, but… You can call it an ass actually. : What? Why is everyone fixated on my soft ass? *blushes* : I like how even she calls it soft too… : Ahem. Anyway as I was saying, despite being in charge people would find weird to see Umi around given her anachronistic clothing. Curses! But I can still blog about you despite that? : Naturally. Then let’s get started! : Thanks. Body Hair Garnet has black hair. Seems Square liked giving the winning FF PS1 heroines black hair, not that I mind obviously. The length is good since it doesn’t cover her ass but is still fairly long, and she has a ribbon near the tip for even less hair blocking menace. Her bangs are kinda bland though, the girl shows a fair amount of forehead and this is not cool. What isn’t cool at all though is what happens late in the game: the goddamned haircut. Sure the thing was less common at the time, but “resolve haircuts” are terrible still and hurt her score somewhat. At least the end result isn’t overly short like some girls get, but it’s pretty bad. Luckily the ending cutscene helps here since shows her hair grew up again which is something most series forget. Just why does Shion from Aikatsu keep her hair short again? Still, her hair growing back takes some of the bite and helps the score. And for being complete here Garnet becomes blonde when in Trance even though Zidane is the one with the tail. Figures. She’s also blonde in Amano’s art just like everyone else. Glad they changed that. Score: 7.5 Eyes Garnet has brown eyes. It’s a nice color and goes well with her hair for more appeal. She does look more “realistic” than the girls I usually cover, though still cute. Not much to add but this franchise needs more meganekko. Score: 9 : There are some, right? : There’s Quistis from VIII for the obvious one. Jihl from XIII too but she’s fairly minor. And that’s all I could find. Two is not enough! We need more, lots more! : At least it’s better than Dragon Quest having zero… Right, can you believe that? And Toriyama likes glasses girls! : At least he did Lucca back then! Exactly! : Ahem. As exciting this topic is I would appreciate if you continued the blog. I can’t guarantee you won’t get caught if you take too long. Sorry! Let’s keep writing! : Though you are right, glasses need more love! Build Garnet is pretty good here. She lacks measurements, except bust size for some reason. No other girl has bust size either, which makes this really bizarre. Anyway it’s 83cm which sounds a little big but not too bad compared with other girls from the series, like Tifa for example. Other than that Garnet is fairly nice, being average-short for height and looking good overall. Her lower body is fairly nice as shown below. The game looking cuter compared with FF8 and with later games which is not helpful for this, but overall she’s pretty good. Score: 9 Butt Garnet stands out for this. First her clothes are tight around her ass and make it stick out pretty prominently. And second and most importantly there’s the famous scene where Zidane grabs her ass and declares it to be soft and that was great. Plus it inspired plenty of assy fanart for the girl. Easily the best girl for asses in the franchise, unlike Lightning and her flat behind. Score: 8 : How rude! How you dare to talk about my ass this casually! Why not? The world would be better if female asses got more love! : Fact. Now show yours right now! : Never! *turns around angry* : Now! *pushes Zettai against Garnet’s fat ass* MMMMMPH! *likes that* : H-Hey! *blushes* Get off my soft ass! : Fine… *pulls Zettai out again* Such a great ass, 10/10 would get peached again. : Thanks? Now continue writing! Clothes Garnet is not bad here. Her default costume is kinda nice, looking elegant but being also tight around the ass. Hard not to tell either, given it’s a bright orange color. When younger she has a skirt version of this and glad the girl grew out of skirts because they’re less sexy. Other costumes are her White Mage-esque hooded version from early in the game and her white dress, neither too amazing but add some variety. Finally her Trance form instead for some reason has a leotard on which may be an homage to the 16-bit games as Rosa/Rydia/Terra/Celes all wore leotards in their various sprites. Either way it’s pretty nice. All in all a decent bunch. Score: 7.5 Mind Personality Garnet is pretty cool. She’s the princess of the kingdom of Alexandria and is worried because her mother has changed recently, so wants to go see the token Cid of the game for help. So when Zidane and her gang come around and try to kidnap her she willingly goes with them for this reason. Half to not spoil the game half out of laziness that’s all the story you are getting, but overall Garnet learns a lot about herself and her past and becomes more mature and relaxed over time. It’s pretty great. Good personality too. Garnet starts like a typical princess, gentle and polite and unknown of the ways of the world, but over time matures to become more casual and open. Not in a bad way though, the girl always stays noble and kind. She just becomes well-rounded in a good way. When it comes to battle Garnet is a summoner white mage. You would think the white mage is the main part because of her aforementioned hood, but the girl can get really strong summons. Eiko is the healer, despite having the summoner horn. Weird. Still, either healing or summoning Garnet is good at her job since the cast is well rounded this time. No Cyan or Kimahri characters this game thankfully. All in all the girl is pretty great and replaced Rosa as my favorite girl from the series. Insert joke about my healer fetish here. Score: 8.5 Reception Garnet is good here. From experience nobody minds her much though she’s not the most popular character of her game exactly, that being Vivi for the record. That’s a boy by the way. She seems liked among the fanbase and has the most fanart of all the girls, but it helps the other female party members are a rat woman and a six year old. Beatrix is cool though, but she’s only temporary. She might not be Tifa but she does well. The game itself deserves mention too, being kinda unpopular when it was new but now it’s held on high esteem among fans. A bit like G-Gundam and Wedding Peach for example. Here’s hoping Splash Star gets the same treatment. Score: 8 : Splash Star? Is that a boss only move? Nope, it’s an underrated magical girl series. : People complained because it was “derivative” and “a bad copy of the original” while eating up Smile the recycled plots season. And GoPri the generic season. And Hugtto the fanfic season. PreCure fans have no base to their arguments ever. : And I thought people saying my game was “childish” based on the art style only was a bad take! Right? It does start light-hearted and such, but then it becomes serious. And at the end it’s like all fifth generation Square games and drops philosophy and complicated themes on you outta nowhere. : Square’s philosophical phase. They wanted a stone that turns metal into gold. Capcom one-upped them and found a way to turn tunas into gold. If only the “tunos” were this useful. : Enough expository banter. Keep blogging! Libido Garnet does well here. Much of the story is about her romance with Zidane and it’s developed pretty well, sure they fight and disagree but never in a violent or ridiculous way and they end together in a cute couple. Real nice. Score: 9 Age Garnet is 16 years old, which the game points out several times. This is pretty good for blogs so here we are now. Sadly while other games in the series have birthdays FF9 does not. Score: 9 Voice Mamiko Noto is the perfect choice. The original game itself lacks voice acting so she’s only in spinoffs and such. Score: 10 Total: 85.5 - Excellent : Oh, not a bad score. Thanks for that. Indeed, glad my favorite girl from the series got covered fairly. Now we shall leave. : Take care. *they indeed leave* : What now? If the rich girl from a game failed, then how about one that loves video games? And anime too? : Good pick, but will you do the palmtop tiger too? Later this year. Gotta keep it fair after all. For now, let’s ask this blonde loli for help! : Indeed!