(Note: this is going to draw from the Twelve Kingdoms books as well as the anime. SPOILERS AHEAD)
NGE: How can I get people to like me so I can feel good about myself? How can I get over my fear of getting betrayed if I get close to people?
12K: The vice-principal’s answer was accompanied by a sullen expression. “That’s not quite what I meant. Let me put it another way. Youko was an honor student. She was on good terms with her classmates as well as with her parents. Or so I’ve heard. But that’s simply not possible.”
“Not possible?”
“I may be out of line saying this, but teachers will see things in whatever light favors themselves. Friends do the same. Parents tell you what’s convenient for them to tell you. They all fashion their own image of the student and try to impose it on everybody else. Now, the opinions of these three parties are never going to agree. A student trying to meet all the expectations of her teachers and parents would find the effort intolerable. A good kid to you or me won’t be to somebody else. At the end of the day, by being all things to all people, Youko never got close to anybody. That might have been the most convenient way to live her life, but I suspect it never amounted to much more than a convenience.”
“And how about yourself?”
The vice-principal frowned. “I’m talking about your gut type of reaction, okay? But for most teachers, the few hard-to-handle students—the ones you keep your eye on—they’re the ones you find endearing, even memorable. I always thought Youko was a good student, but I’d probably forget all about her the day after graduation. At a ten-year reunion, I wouldn’t have the slightest idea who she was.”
“Of course.”
...
Adrift in this world, starving, wounded, not even able to sit up—and despite everything, her desire to go home had made it all possible to bear. But in truth, what she had seen in the visions were the only human relationships of any value she had back in her home country.
What did I think I was going home to?
No one was waiting for her. No one understood her. She had nothing. Whether she was here or whether she was there, she’d be deceived and betrayed just the same.
Yes, I get it now.
...
“I have figured a few things out.”
Like the fact that she had no friends and no allies in this world. The fact that she had no place to go, no home to return to. The fact that she was completely on her own. Nevertheless, she had to stay alive. A life without friends, a life with no place to call her own—yes, it sucked being her. But if everyone in this world wanted her dead, then she wouldn’t die. And if no one in her old world wanted her back, then she’d go back anyway.
She wasn’t giving up. No way was she ever giving up. She was going to live. She was going to find Keiki. She was going home. It made no difference whether Keiki was friend or foe. If he was her enemy, if he threatened her, she’d make him take her back anyway.
“And what will you do when you get home?”
“I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it.”
“Better to just cash in your chips right now, no?”
“If no one gives a crap about me, then at least I’ll give a crap about myself.”
“That rat’s going to betray you.”
Youko turned and looked at the monkey. “If I don’t trust him, then he can’t betray me.”
...
Youko said nothing more after that. Everybody kept his own welfare first and foremost in mind. Question any act of charity deeply enough and she’d discover a kernel of selfishness in it. That’s why she begrudged nothing Rakushun had said.
Of course, Youko thought. That’s why we betray one another. In the end, everybody was out for number one. Not even the biggest saint in the world could live with another person’s welfare solely in mind.
...
The falling dark cast the road into shadows. It’ll be okay, she told herself as she walked along with hurried steps. It will.
After the night turned black and the pedestrian traffic vanished, she ran on without caring how it looked. Some ways from Goryou she turned at an intersection, leaving behind both the road they had started their journey on that morning, and the road to Goryou.
She had come far enough, but she kept going. No longer in a headlong fashion, but with that pervasive sense of being pursued.
It’ll be okay, she told herself again.
Even if Rakushun fessed up about her, they didn’t have photographs in this place, so she didn’t think they’d catch up with her. Besides, wouldn’t Rakushun cover up his own involvement? He wasn’t likely to start talking about the kaikyaku who’d left him behind and taken off by herself, for fear of being thought guilty by association.
As she repeated this to herself, Youko stopped in her tracks. She felt a hole open up in her soul.
This wasn’t the kind of thing she ought to be thinking about now.
Was Rakushun okay? Youko hadn’t seen any severe wounds on him, but she couldn’t know for certain that he wasn’t badly injured.
Go back, a voice inside her said. She should go back and see how Rakushun was doing, and then make her escape.
Too dangerous, another voice said. Go back and you likely won’t be able to do a thing.
You’ve got the jewel, a voice answered.
That didn’t mean the jewel would do Rakushun any good. He could already be dead. Go back and she’d get captured. Get captured and it’d all be for naught. Get captured and she’d end up dead.
Is your life that precious to you?
There was no reason to suppose it shouldn’t be.
You’re stabbing your Good Samaritan in the back.
He didn’t necessarily help me because he’s good.
That doesn’t change the reality of what he did. He gave you shelter and a place to hide.
He had his reasons. It wasn’t out of the kindness of his heart. A person like that will betray you eventually.
So it’s okay to abandon someone if their intentions aren’t perfect? Do you really want to go down that road?
That place was filled with the dead and the dying, and amongst them was someone she knew, who knew her. And she was just going to cast him aside? Shouldn’t she at least lend a helping hand? If she did, there were surely some people who might make it through alive.
Don’t start glossing over reality with empty gestures, not in this country. When your number’s up, that’s it. Lights out.
But it wouldn’t be an empty gesture. It was what people naturally did of their own accord. How could she forget that?
“Even now, at this late hour, you’re going on about your principles, little girl?”
Even now, little girl. Even now!
“Yes, yes. Do go back and finish him off.”
Youko jumped at the piercing sound of that screeching voice. The blue monkey’s head appeared in the brush along the shoulder of the road. “Isn’t that what you have been considering all along? Isn’t it?”
“I . . . ” Youko stared at the blue monkey. Her whole body trembled.
“Indeed, that’s what you plan to do, no? And look at you, little girl, preaching yourself up a regular old sermon and all. You! Now!”
The monkey broke into gales of mad laughter.
“No . . . it isn’t.”
“Oh, yes, it is. That is exactly what you were thinking.”
“I would never do something like that!”
“Yes, you would.”
“I wouldn’t have. I couldn’t!”
The monkey cackled gaily. “Because the thought of murder frightens you or because you wanted to murder him but just couldn’t screw up the courage?” The monkey screeched, looking at her cheerfully. “Don’t you trust me? That’s okay. You’ll do it next time.”
“No!”
The blue monkey laughed on, ignoring her, the shrill sound remorselessly stabbing at her ears.
“I’m going back.”
“Even if you do, he’s long dead.”
“I don’t know that.”
“He’s dead, I say. Go back and you’ll be captured and killed. What’s the point?”
“I’m going back anyway.”
“Well. You think doing so will wash away your sins, no?”
Youko turned on her heels and stopped.
“Oh, going back is good. So you go back, you look down at his dead body and have yourself a good cry. It’d cancel out all those murderous thoughts just like that!”
Youko stared dumbfounded at the monkey’s cackling countenance. She was taking to herself. This was the sound of her own wretched voice. This was nothing other than the substance of her soul.
“He will surely betray you. Best you take care of it before then, no?”
“Be quiet.”
“Soldiers may be headed this way right now! That rat ratted you out for sure!”
“Shut up!” She took hold of the hilt of the sword and swung. The leafy tips of the bushes rained to the ground.
“Dying’s good, but snuffing out his candle would be perfect. You’re still so naive, little girl.”
“Enough, already!”
“Next time, then. Next time something like this happens, you’ll be sure to get the deed done.”
“Quit messing with me!” A whusk of air and more leaves dropped to the ground.
And if she did get the deed done, then what? If only abandoning him left such a weight on her heart, how could she go on living with murder on her conscience? Did her existence by itself trump all? Did it matter what miserable depths she sank to as long as she could stay alive?
“I’m glad I didn’t kill him.” She was glad she hadn’t acted rashly, hadn’t succumbed to temptation, and hadn’t put her thoughts into action.
The monkey laughed her to scorn. “So you’re just going to leave him alive to squeal on you?”
“Fine if he does!” She felt a tightness in her chest as the tears welled up. “He’s got the right. Let him complain about me all he wants!”
“Oh, so naive, so naive.”
Why couldn’t she trust people anymore? It wasn’t because she was afraid of being taken in. Even if she was, she should have been able to trust him.
“It’s because you think credulous things like that. It’s because you’re such an easy mark, so easy to take advantage of.”
“It’d be fine with me if he did.”
“How gullible you are!” The monkey’s laughter rent the night. “Really? Truly? Being played for the fool is just peachy with you?”
“If that’s what it comes down to, yes. The betrayer only betrays his cowardice. It does me no harm. But better betrayed than be the betrayer.”
“Of course the betrayer is a coward. But in this demon-haunted world, he’s the one who comes out on top. No one will show you the slightest speck of kindness, little girl. Such souls do not exist here.”
“That has nothing to do with me.”
Because they tracked her down and drove her into a corner, was that reason enough to reject her own humanity? Was it reason enough to spurn anybody who approached her with good intentions? And then if their motives were not as pure as the driven snow, reason enough not to trust them in the least? If people showed her no more kindness than this, was that reason enough to show them no kindness as well?
“No, it is not.”
Whether she trusted others had nothing to do with whether or not she was betrayed. Whether or not others were kind to her had nothing to do with whether she was kind to them in turn. Even if she were all alone in this big, wide world, if not a single person would help her or grieve for her, that gave her no cause to play the jaded coward, to abandon those in need, to bring harm upon perfect strangers.
The monkey laughed hysterically. His earsplitting shrieks went on and on.
“I want to be strong.”
She firmly gripped the hilt of the sword. It had nothing to do with this world or these people. She wanted to hold her head high. She wanted to be strong.
The monkey suddenly stopped laughing. “You are going to die. You will never go home. No one will see your face again. You’ll be deceived and betrayed. You will die.”
“I’m not going to die.”
If she died here, she’d die a fool and a coward. Dying now would validate the worst part of herself. It’d be easy to brand her life as one not worth living, but she couldn’t permit herself such an easy way out.
“You will die. You will starve, you will tire, you will lose your head and you will die.”
Youko swung the sword with all her might. The tip of the sword trimmed off the tops of the bushes and parted the air. She felt a strong reverberation in her arm. The monkey’s head tumbled down amidst the falling leaves, falling to the earth, scattering clots of blood as it rolled along.
“I will never give up.”
She could not stop crying.
...
Back in her old world, Youko had conducted her life based on what she saw in other people’s faces. She lived to be liked by everyone and disliked by no one. Confrontation terrified her. The thought of being scolded scared her to death. After this, she didn’t think anything would be very frightening.
Or perhaps it had never been about cowardice at all. Perhaps she had simply been lazy. It was easier to do as other people said than think for herself. Rather than go to the wall for somebody or something, it was easier to go along and avoid confrontation. Being the good girl everybody wanted her to be was easier than following her own mind and taking things on as they came. She had lived a lazy, cowardly life. That was why she wanted to go back. If she went home now, she could make a different life for herself. She at least wanted the chance to try.
My comment: Do you understand the implications of this? Those who are too lazy or too scared to see reality with their own eyes, are doomed to rely on the visions of others. That's why their reality will always be dependent on what others think. It takes bravery to be active and cultivate your own judgement ability, making your own decisions. It takes bravery to take responsibility for yourself and be strong enough to say yes when the world says no. Yes, you're not always going to be right. But knowing that no one, not the world, not you, has the right to determine a person's self worth allows you to take criticism and be honest about your own faults without wanting to kill yourself. There is no rule saying that just because you sin you deserve to go to Hell (ironically, the answer to NGE's questions relies on shedding the duality of Christian thinking). There is no such thing as deserving or undeserving. Life is life. No matter your idea of justice and your idea of yourself, but in the end the sun still rises and sets. There's only what happens.
What Youko did in the last scene is one of the most powerful acts I've ever seen from a person, fictional or otherwise. She took hold of reality, of objectivity. She summoned the courage to make a judgement on her own, free of what others might say about her being a fool. She developed her own moral compass and she looked at reality with her own eyes. She saw clearly what Truth was so that she no longer needed to define Truth from others' descriptions. Shame comes from other people. Youko freed herself from the shame of her past mistakes and the false shame that comes from trusting Rakushun and was able to look at herself with all her strengths and flaws objectively. She saw what needed to be done and could care less about the prevailing social stigma around it.
That's not to say a person should only listen to himself, but rather that a person should exercise judgement ability in discerning what others say, judgement that is not clouded by fear of hatred or want of affection. It becomes a practical matter of problem solving. If you don't have pride to protect when you're working on a problem with a group, and your goal is to solve the problem, then you're able to reconcile opposing views easily in search of the Truth.
NGE: How can I be happy?
Also NGE: As long as you're alive, you have the opportunity to be happy.
My comment: Well yeah, the sky is blue.
12K: Life is made of two parts: half happiness and half hardship. Happiness is something you’ll find is directly related to the amount of energy you put towards it. It doesn’t appear before you because you feel you have the divine right to it. The effort to overcome your suffering, and the effort to become happy, those are the keys to making yourself truly happy.
NGE: I'm such a bad person! I'm so alone and unlikable! No one understands me! Someone, help me! Pity me!
12K: “And that's when I realized that there's really two ways people cry. You cry when you're sorry for yourself, and then you cry when you are really sad. The tears you cry for yourself? Those are kid tears. You're crying because you want somebody to help you or pick you up. Your mom, your dad, the old lady next door... anyone.”
...
Youko finally lifted her head. She’d cried so hard and so long that she felt slightly feverish. Crying her eyes out had made her feel better, but only a little.
...
The shadows lengthened. Youko got up. Sitting there complaining about Keiki wouldn’t solve anything.
...
No more words came. She burst into loud sobs. The old lady paid her no mind. She left the room. Everything she brought with her she took with her, even the candle, leaving Youko alone in the pitch black cell. The sound of the locking bolts echoed in the dark.
Youko screamed, “I want to go home!”
But it was too hard to carry on in such distress. She curled up on the bed and wept. She finally cried herself to exhaustion.
And slept without dreams.
My comment: When Youko is thrust into the world of the Twelve Kingdoms and spends a month starving to death and running away from flesh-eating monsters, crying and blaming either the world or yourself doesn't do anything. You can sit there and think about how bad you are as a person or how unfortunate you are, but the world is going to move on. That's because in reality there are no such descriptors as bad or good for a person. You are who you are. Pitying yourself is easier than doing something about it, because when you pity yourself you're not making yourself better so you can rise up to the challenge. Self pity leads to stagnation.
Another 12K character, Suzu, is stuck as an abused servant for 100 years and in that 100 years she stays a child. In all that time, she kept pitying how unfortunate she was, blaming her circumstances, instead of working hard to overcome her suffering in order to be happy. She keeps hoping that someone who understands her would come and save her, but the only person that can save her is herself. She also learns to get over her self-absorption and her desire to be understood when she meets a person even more unfortunate than her. How can she expect others to understand her, when she doesn't bother to understand others?
12K:
“When people felt pain time and time again, they came to fear that pain above all other things. So they tried to ignore it, to forget it was happening, as a way of bearing it. And pretty soon, they would come to feel like they'd accomplished something just by doing that -- even though nothing had changed.”
...
"You shouldn't cry for yourself. It's disrespectful to the dead."
...
"You must be careful not to fall into the pit."
"The pit?"
"The pit of self pity."
NGE: How do I stop running away? Am I even worthy to do this?
12K:“It doesn't take any effort to dream. It's a lot easier than looking at the problems in front of you and figuring out what you're going to do about them. But all you're doing is putting your problems up on a shelf for later, right? That doesn't make them go away.”
My comment: It's easy to run away into sweet fantasy so you don't have to face your obstacles. The reason you have trouble with your obstacles is because your current self is insufficient to deal with them. It's easier to stay the same than to improve yourself in order to overcome those obstacles. If you choose the sweet fantasy, you choose death. When you choose a path in which things are easy, then you don't have to be active and will yourself to change. When you're not changing and making decisions, then you sink into nothingness.
The third character in 12K, Shoukei, was a princess for thirty years who enjoyed the cocoon of palace life while being unaware of the suffering her father brought upon the kingdom. As a result, thousands of innocent people died, later leading to a revolt that ended with the death of her parents. She was exiled to an orphanage and forced to live a harsh life of physical labor. She kept blaming the rebels for killing her parents and deciding her miserable fate. Because she was willfully ignorant of the affairs of the kingdom in favor of a stress-free existence, she didn't admonish her father for his cruel behavior, which might have prevented the deaths of thousands, including her father. Shoukei had a responsibility to her family and to her kingdom.
And yet, even though according to Shinji's logic Shoukei should've killed herself because of her terrible actions, the leader of the revolt refused to kill her and later Shoukei redeems herself. Her redemption doesn't come in the form of answering for the deaths she caused as part of some kind of justice. Using Biblical logic, she would've had to sacrifice herself to answer for her sins. No, those people are gone and killing her as an act of revenge accomplishes nothing. Shoukei is still a human being whose life is as valuable as any others and her redemption comes from overcoming the weaknesses that led to her mistakes--- she takes responsibility for protecting those around her.
12K: “There are some things in this world you can never get back... There's no reclaiming that piece of the past. Don't you think it'd be better to abandon it completely and consider instead what you did wrong and learn from it?”
In addition, Youko has serious doubts about ruling an entire kingdom. This makes sense, since she's only 16, doesn't know anything about the world, and was a spineless coward just like Shinji. The last queen tried to run away from her duties and the kingdom fell into ruin as a result. If Youko doesn't accept the throne, the kingdom remains in ruin and people suffer. At the same time, she rightfully fears that she's not qualified enough to be the queen and she might lead the kingdom to its downfall.
12K:
“A throne is always paid for in blood.
The king of En had told her that once. Even should a king's ascension be bloodless as a gift from Heaven, to hold onto one's throne invariably meant that blood must flow -- as it had at the beginning, in the fight against the false king's armies, and the quelling of civil war, and the execution of criminals.
Luckily, the fighting part was easy for Yoko. All she had to do was resist the temptation to run away.”
...
“I’m not being self-destructive.” She smiled. “When I came here, considering the state I was in, dying wouldn’t have come as much of a surprise. I somehow survived till now, probably more due to luck than anything else. I was as good as dead when I came here, so it’s not something I get all choked up about. At any rate, I don’t want to be the kind of person who gets all choked up about stuff like that.”
She paused and went on. “I don’t want this to be some rash, life or death decision. I know what everybody expects of me. But if I simply do what is convenient for everybody else, let everybody else determine what my life will be, then I won’t be shouldering the responsibility myself. That’s why I’ve got to think it over.”
Rakushun looked up at her with his jet-black eyes. “I can’t understand what you’re so confused about.”
“I can’t do it.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Because I know just how mean and ugly a human being I am. I’m no empress. I don’t have it in me.”
“That’s not true.”
“If you’re a hanjuu, Rakushun, then I’m a hanjuu, too. I may appear human but I’m a beast inside.”
“Youko . . . ”
Youko gripped the railing of the balcony. There was a delicate beauty in the luxurious feel of the ornate stone. Casting her gaze downwards, she could see the lights of Kankyuu glowing like sea fire through the transparent water. The waves broke with a gentle rumble upon the shore. The extraordinarily sublime scene was far removed from what was in her heart. There was an equally striking palace in Gyouten, Kinpa Palace. To think of herself living there aroused in her not timidity but disgust.
That’s what she told him. Rakushun sighed. “A emperor is just an ordinary person until he is chosen by the kirin.”
“Being chosen by the kirin doesn’t change anything. I’m the same person I was, stealing from people, threatening people, assaulting people when I had to. I trusted nobody. I was willing to trade your life for my own.”
“The Imperial En thinks you can do it.”
“He doesn’t know what a miserable creature I am.”
“I think you can do it. I’m the one you were thinking of finishing off, so if I say so, then it must be so.”
Youko looked down at him, this rat who stood no higher than her stomach. He poked his head through the handrails and gazed intently at the ocean floating in the sky.
“I just can’t . . . ”
He didn’t answer her murmured dissent, only continued to stare out at the Sea of Clouds. He patted Youko on the arm with his small hand. When Youko turned to him, the gray coat of his back was already to her.
“Rakushun.”
“All this has left me at my wit’s end as well. There’s nothing wrong with being confused. Take your time, think about it.”
Youko watched as he walked off into the distance. He raised his hand, but didn’t turn around.
“Rakushun,” she said to herself, “even you don’t know everything about me.”
But I know.
This wasn’t the sound of her own voice echoing inside her skull. Her head shot up and she scanned the surroundings. But it wasn’t a sound she had heard with her ears.
You have not been alone. I have seen everything.
“Jouyuu?”
Accept the throne. You are capable. You are qualified.
Youko couldn’t answer. That he had spoken left her speechless. And what he said all the more so.
I have disobeyed the command of my lord. Forgive me.
Keiki’s instructions to him came back to her, “Be as if you are not there.” Was this why, until this moment, he hadn’t once responded to a thing she had said?
You thought me a monster, begged and whined for me to be taken out of you. That is why. This was an error on your part.
“I really am a fool,” she said to herself.
This statement went unanswered.
My comment: So you see the self depreciation that Youko feels, the same self depreciation we all feel at one point or another. The same self depreciation Shinji feels. However, 12K offers golden wisdom:
12K: “You know, Youko. When you don’t know which choice is the best, then you should choose the path you ought to take, rather than the one you wish for. You’re going to regret the path not taken. But regrets being more or less equal, better the one where the regret is even a bit less.”
“I know.”
“And if you go with what you ought to do, then all that remains is the wishful thinking you had to give up to do the right thing. Such regrets should rest easier on the mind in the long run, shouldn’t they?”
“Yes.”
The hand clasped against her cheek was warm. “I really want to see what kind of kingdom you are going to build, Youko.”
“Thank you, Rakushun.”
...
In the anime, Rakushun tells Youko that although she may not ready because she's a flawed person, accepting the throne and figuring out how to rule the kingdom will make her a better, more capable person.
My comment: Most people tell you to follow your heart. 12K is wise enough tell you to look at what needs to be done. Most people tell you, yes, you are qualified. 12K is wise enough to tell you that you can become qualified even if you aren't right now. It is a shame that Youko must bear the burden of the throne, which limits her own chances of happiness. And yet she needs to do this, whether she's qualified or not, because people's lives depend on it. In overcoming hardship, Youko becomes a better person. And she does. By the end of the second book, she stops running away from her own demons, conquers her weaknesses, and becomes a strong, dignified young woman.
12K: “I do not need a scabbard to sheathe my mind.”
My comment: Youko no longer needs to fear feelings of worthlessness or inadequacy. She no longer needs to hide from a conception of who she is, unlike Shinji.
NGE: What am I doing here? What purpose do I have, outside of the use that others have for me? How can I be free?
12K: “I think that once you're born, the thing you have to do is find out who you are and live that life as well as you can. You can't spend your time wondering how things would have been if you were someone different.”
12K: Asano: "Well, we should go".
Youko: "What?"
"Lets get out of this world. That's why I'm here."
"I cannot do that."
"Why not?"
"I am the queen. I may not be the best queen, but if I leave, many people will suffer. That's how this world works."
...
"But there are many people who disagree with this system. (Shouko) told me that this world is wrong. That's why he wants to destroy it... This world is controlled by nonsense!... You may not realize it, but this world is like a bizarre play, you see? And everyone has their roles to play. You were given the role of queen. You are just being forced to play that role. Remember when we were back in Japan? You were free, weren't you?"
"Free?"
"But you don't need to play the queen anymore. We'll be saved, come on, let's go."
"I am the queen. I have to protect the lives of my people."
"I'm telling you that you don't have to!"
"But the reason I'm fighting now isn't because I'm the queen. Or because someone told me to. I'm doing it because it's my destiny."
"You don't have to do anything."
"Yes, I do! It doesn't matter whether I'm in Japan or Kei. I saw a child get run over... And if it's Shoukou's doing, he is wrong. If that's what he has to do to destroy the world, then something is wrong! A young girl was killed, her brother is struggling to live and an innocent old man was abducted. It's all my fault. That's why I want to save him. No because someone told me to, but because I need to!"
...
Asano: "... I've been thinking while traveling with the entertainers. That is why I was brought to this world."
Youko: "I'm sorry, it's all my fault."
"It's not that simple! After I met that girl Suzu, I thought I had finally understood why I was brought to this world. ... but I thought I was meant to save you and go back, but that wasn't it. If this is how it ends, then why am I here?"
"Asano-kun, you're the only one trying to find a role to play."
"Damn it! This stupid world should be destroyed! And then, I'll be..."
"Don't blame the world! The fact that I became the queen is not more significant than the fact that you were born a man, and I was born a woman. I'm here, and I believe in what I need to do."
"Then what am I supposed to do?"
"The world doesn't give you a reason to live. And neither can I."
My comment: TWELVE KINGDOMS IS SO FUCKING GOOD. The world doesn't get to decide what your purpose is, just as it doesn't have the right to tell you who you are or what your value is. The only purpose is in doing what needs to be done to help people. Asano wants to destroy this world, just like Shinji wants to destroy the world. Shinji has to pilot the Eva, just like Youko has to be the queen. There are so many parallels here to Evangelion, but the difference is that Twelve Kingdoms actually provides the answers. The funny thing is, NGE had the same setup where Shinji almost quit being a pilot, only to realize that if he runs away, then people die. He sees Rei and Asuka in trouble without him there. I thought that this would be a moment where Shinji finally shakes off notions of what the world wants and all his petty self doubts and realizes that he can help save lives. There is no good or bad self, Shinji. There's only what needs to be done. But no. Shinji does come back to save the day, but a few episodes later he says that he only does it to feel useful and valued by others. Anno had the answer to his depression right in front of him but he completely glossed over it.
On the other hand, I love you Youko. You are such a great human being. You are a pillar of virtue. I wish you a long rule.
Thank you Fuyumi Ono. I have nothing but respect and admiration for you. You, me and Hideaki Anno are the same type of person. We're all the introverted, sensitive, creative types. You walked the hard path so you can show the way to the rest of us. This is what I mean when I say a person understands life and Truth. Fuyumi Ono clearly understands the human condition and what's more, she understands the Way.
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