As a psychologist I find Asuka REALLY complex. Still there are some guidelines to understand her in all her...''tridimensionality''. First of all, if you grab DSM-5 (the manual of psychiatric disorder) Asuka was probably shaped based on the narcissistic personality disorder. The trauma that was for her of being...un-recognized by her mother probably made her think about herself that she could just be lovable not for what she was in her authentic being, but just for the big things she was doing. Look at me, I'm the best pilot, i am a already grown up woman, i don't need help from others, ''and for this, please, look at me''.
You now understand what it did mean for her, the SYNCRO=0 with Eva 02: she learned helplessness, not being able to be lovable anymore. And so, depression. And, if I may, keep attention in the Arael episode. ''You are my doll, so you do as I bid'' she said while talking to Eva 02. Strange thing that Asuka's mother treated her just like a doll, and refused her daughter for a stuffed doll, isn't it? Freud called it ''repetition compulsion''. By doing this Asuka repeats the situation she suffered more, because she didn't have enough cognitive resources as a little kid to understand what was happening to her and her mother. This caused trauma, and trauma repetition.
The point is, that by doing this, by treating Eva like a doll, Asuka tries to repeat the situation, but in a position of power. She is basically saying ''if the world is all just wolf and lamb, I don't want to be lamb anymore, at the cost of forgetting how to feel emotions for the rest of my life and at the cost of not being able to recognize other peoples' emotion (this is why she's so anti-sympathetic, a typical element of narcissistic people). I'll dominate everyone''. And doing so she protects herself from the terrible remembering by putting herself in the wolf position. This is the essence of narcissistic personality disorder. This is the essence of Asuka.
The only thing you have to remember when she act like she' the boss, is that she desperately wants recognition, basically, the only thing important in human relationships. We know who we are also because people (especially caregivers during childhood) look at us in many ways and react to us in many ways. Asuka was refused, all her world (her mother, in a kid's view) told her that she wasn't welcome in the world. Narcissistic personality disorder (and performances) was the only thing that kept her alive. Understandable don't you think :)
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